Crank

So having exhausted all my options at the local cinema all that was left was Flushed Away, Crank and Unaccompanied Minors. Flushed Away was probably the best bet but I wasn't in the mood for a animated feature today. I chose to go see Crank, Jason Statham's latest vehicle which couldn't be any more mindless if it tried.

I guess the concept pretty much determines what sort of movie it's going to be. A guy gets drugged with the 'Beijing Cocktail ' - a posion that causes you to die the moment your adrenaline isn't anywhere near redlining. Chev Chelios, freelance assasin (Jason Statham) is the unfortunate victim thanks to a hit gone wrong and he has only a few hours to take out the guys responsible - who are dumb enough to leave his apartment with a DVD titled 'FUCK YOU' in capital letters.

I won't go any further into the plot (which when talking about a movie like Crank is borderline oxymoronic) and instead go on to the thing that pissed me off the most about the movie. I was prepared to go with the setup and the mindless action and thrills that I knew was inevitable. What I wasn't prepared to go with was the consistently frenetic over-the-top stylising of the directors. Flash forwards? Check. Slow-Mo? Check. Split-screen? Check. Titlecards? Check. Illogical subtitles popping up? Check. I didn't think it was possible but they have outdone Tony Scotts' Domino for sheer ADD directing. If you ever wanted to know what Grand Theft Auto: The Movie would feel like - Crank is the answer. The sad thing is that this is actually a reason some people would go see it. Dear me.

Aside from the interesting concept the movie doesn't approach anything near originality, containing pretty much every action cliche in the book. It's almost as if the directors are going through the motion ticking everyone off as they go. Mexican bad guys with stupid haricuts? You bet. Gratuitous tits and ass? Of Course. Gravity defying car chases? Without question.

I would only recommend it if you are on ADD or enjoyed Tony Scott's Domino, as this one has a lot in common. If you enjoyed Domino you probably have ADD anyway :p That or you just want to see Amy Smart get banged doggystyle in public.